Brokenness & Breakthrough

My idolatry of the church for the past 3 years has hindered me from really tasting the forgiveness that Christ offers. I've traded the sweetness of His Forgiveness for the acceptance of the church, the Freedom that He offers for the Yoke of ministry that I was not called to for the sake of the Church & to "show" God that I loved Him. Even worse I offered this to my Lord, in total ignorance saying "May this be a sweet smelling aroma to You Lord."

A wounded warrior should not go to battle, that warrior needs to heal/be tended to before jumping out again. In my zeal I ran to battle after having stabbed myself because I was ashamed of my sin. I ran to show Him, I'll do anything for Him while blood continued to flow out... Now that I am broken & He's finally got me in a place where I am still. I am tasting forgiveness and I'm overwhelmed. How could this be? How could my sins just be erased, forgotten, cast as far as east is from the west? The thought of this overwhelms me. It's suffocating.

Have you recently given your life to the Lord? Don't fall into this trap. I beg you don't be consumed with making new friends in the body, getting acceptance and etc... Focus on Jesus.

Take a break from everything, swim in His forgiveness. I know it's a hard thing to swallow that the maker of the universe has forgiven you for the horrible things you have done in your past but it's true. There is only one God, He created heaven and earth and He is Love. He loves us unconditionally.

Be in constant meditation and prayer, talk to your maker. Ask Him to help you understand and to heal you. Don't do as I did and idolize the church and miss out on the sweetness of His love. Don't live for others, He needs to be first. Put Him first. It's your time to heal and to get to know the one who will become the lover of your soul. Slow down and marvel. Be still. Lest you end up on a course that will consist of contant labor to please men, earn their love, seem righteous and etc...

He says "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

(Matthew 11:28-30) 

Sure you might go to heaven but never tasting what true forgiveness is and how overwhelmingly amazing God is. Go, sin no more and focus on Jesus. Put nothing before Him, He loves you. He wants to heal you and began a wonderful Journey with you.

In Christ